To Tell Her
by LoveAcrossTime
Summary: Inuyasha has something to tell Kagome, and he reflects on his reasons for this. Can he get up the nerve to tell her? Why does he need to? Oneshot. Reviews welcome, no flames.


A/N: I have never written in first person. Ever. And I have only written in the present tense once, three years ago. But I got this idea, and then I wrote it down. I like it, although the mood is quite different from that of all my other stuff. This is my shortest serious fic, also. Yes, it's a one-shot. My other things are one-shots, but…not one-shots. If that makes any sense. Anyway…

Sadly, I don't own Inuyasha. If you ever see a fanfic written by someone who _does_ own Inuyasha, please let me know.

Enjoy!

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To Tell Her

My heart pounds in my chest as I gently shake her shoulder. I can feel the muscles in her shoulder tighten slightly, and then relax. She is awake. She yawns, blearily opening her eyes. Even tiredly squinting into the dark, I am briefly lost in the deep chocolate brown of her eyes. I don't think I ever saw the color brown before I saw her eyes. I never liked the color, really. That was before I saw her eyes. They are so deep, so rich, so sweet. It is like I am falling into a never-ending pool of her essence, just when I look into those eyes.

Blinking rapidly, I look away. She yawns again. Her hair spills over her shoulder, and I am nearly hypnotized by the shine of its blackness. I shake my head. It's not the time to get distracted.

"What is it, Inuyasha?" she asks sleepily. Her voice is so soft. I want to drown myself in it, feel it gently wrap around me. She blinks at me worriedly, and I try not to watch her eyelashes flutter. I try not to smile as I see her eyes open wider, waking up because she is worried about me. I really do try.

I realize that she asked me a question. _What is it?_ Such a simple question, really. I could answer it, as I normally would, with a nondescript 'keh.' I could turn away from her, and cross my arms, and let her go back to sleep. I could try to ignore the worry that would be evident on her scent, even if I can't see her face. I could try to forget what I had meant to tell her. What I have meant to tell her so many times before. But this time I won't do that. She asked me; I will tell her. I _will_ tell her. I am Inuyasha. I have fought and defeated countless demons. I have no fear of this one mortal girl. I am not afraid. What reason to I have to be afraid? Why is my heart pounding? Why am I digging my claws into my hands? Why is my face white? Why can't I breathe?

So I am afraid. For the first time in my life, I am afraid. What am I afraid of, anyway? Afraid that I'm wrong about what she feels? Afraid that she will reject me? That she will break what remains of my heart?

I shake my head emphatically. I have nothing to be afraid of. She would never do that to me. She loves me. I know she loves me. I have known it for a while now. Why else would she do the things she has done? She has sacrificed herself for me. Waited up all night for me, even when I was with Kikyou. She has cried every time I have been hurt. No one's ever done that for me. She stayed with me, even though I could not forget Kikyou. She'll hold my hand, sometimes, or put her arms around me after a battle. For her comfort or mine, I don't know. She even kissed me, once. Even though I was not myself. My heart was gone. I could have killed her. But she saved me, brought me back. I'm still mad at her for that. How could she risk her life for mine? She has to live. That is what matters, really. But all these things told me what I hardly dared hope for. She loves me. I was afraid to notice it at first, afraid to accept it. I couldn't let her love me. Not when there was someone else that I could not let go of. But…she does love me. And I know that I couldn't live without her.

"I-" I begin. _Damnit!_ This shouldn't be so hard. I can kill demons. I can do so without the slightest hint of fear. So why can't I just say it? It's not that hard. I have to just…say it! Now! My lips try to form the words, but my throat doesn't make a sound. I look at her pleadingly. Maybe she can just guess?

"Inuyasha…?" Or not. Her beautiful eyes look so puzzled. And worried. Worried…about me! I can feel my heart jump happily at that. But I can't stand seeing her worry. I have to tell her. But fear builds up in my chest, and I can't speak.

Why do I have to tell her? How do I know that I _need_ to tell her? It's not that complicated. I can't live without her. I can't catch my breath whenever she looks at me. Sometimes I catch myself staring off into space, and then I realize that it's her I'm thinking about. I would do anything to keep her safe. I am her protector. Rage burns within me whenever any other man looks at her. Even Miroku, who she has told me innumerable times loves only Sango. Not that I really believe her. I feel no fear for myself when I am injured in battle, but if she gets even the tiniest scratch I feel more afraid than I ever have before. I would die for her. I cannot bear the thought of anything happening to her, ever. And so I would die for her. And I trust her. I've never trusted anyone. Not completely. Not even Kikyou, who I was sure that I loved. When she betrayed me, I was devastated. Of course, it wasn't really her. But I didn't know that. I thought that it was her. If that happened with Kagome…I would know that it wasn't really her. I would know. I know she would never betray me. I would trust her with my life, but that's not enough. I trust her with her _own_ life. That is how I know.

"I l-" I try again. I still can't say it. _Goddamnit! _Why can't I tell her?

I know that it's true. I've known that for a while, too. But that, too, I was afraid to admit. Again, because I couldn't. I couldn't let go of Kikyou. She died because of me. Now she has a second chance at life. It's only right that I go with her. That I die with her. We could go back to how we were. It was good. That is what she wants. I thought that was what I wanted.

But now I know that that is not what I want. I cannot go back to a time before I knew Kagome. I could live without knowing her, then. I thought that that was happiness. But now that I know her…I know true happiness. I know what it is to trust. To smile. To laugh. To love.

I loved Kikyou first. But I love Kagome now. It's as simple as that, really. I can't ever leave Kagome. Kikyou is dead. One day, she will die again. But I will not die with her. Not without my Kagome. She is Kikyou's reincarnation, but frankly, I stopped thinking about that several days after I met her. Kagome is Kagome, to me. She is not Kikyou. She is nothing like Kikyou. I do not love her because she supposedly has Kikyou's spirit. I love her because she is Kagome. My Kagome.

But I don't think she knows. Some time ago, I stopped going to see Kikyou. I will protect Kikyou, because that is what I swore I would do. I did not swear to love her, or to be with her. And so I can love Kagome. I can be with Kagome. But not until she knows. I wish she would figure it out, without my having to tell her. But I have to make sure that she knows. Once she knows we can be together. Finally.

She's looking more and more worried. I have to say it. A shock runs through me as she reaches over and brushes my bangs out of my eyes. My skin is on fire where her soft hand is touching it. That one loving gesture is enough to make me pass out. But I grit my teeth and look at her. The love in her eyes scares me, and welcomes me at the same time. The looks in our eyes match. I am drawn to her. All my plans to tell her everything, to explain about Kikyou, to ask about our future…it all goes out of my head. One thought remains. I love her. So much.

I don't realize how close we are until I feel her breath on my face. I'm still leaning in, closer and closer, without even meaning to. I have no control over my body. She is leaning in, too. Her eyes close. I can feel my eyelids slowly shutting, as well. Her breath on my lips tastes sweet, and warm. And then…so do her lips. Our lips meet so gently that I should hardly feel it, and yet it sends a shock through my body. Heat spreads throughout it. I am overcome by the desire to have her close to me. And so, instinctively, I grab her, pulling her to me. My arms around her are tight, and I press my lips against hers forcefully. I need her. Need her close to me. Need her with me.

Her lips part the tiniest bit, and I am lost. No thoughts remain. _ I_ don't even remain. There is only Kagome, and that is all I need.

Some time passes, and I realize I need to breathe. Gently I pull away, just enough to get air into my lungs. I do not let go of her. Her arms go around me, and her eyes open, wide. There are tears in them. In those beautiful eyes that I could lose myself in.

"Inu…yasha…" her voice is so soft. I can feel her breath as she lets it out, shakily. I smile. I love the feel of her breath. And her scent is overwhelming me. I love her scent, more than anything. She doesn't smell like flowers, or fruit, or any other things that are supposedly pretty scents. She just smells like Kagome, and that is the best scent there is.

And then I know that the time has really come. And I can say it. I realize that my breathing has calmed, my palms are relaxed, flat on her back. In her eyes, and her lips, I know that she loves me. And in that moment, during that kiss, I know why I love her. It's not any of the things I thought of before. It's really simple. Of course it is. I need her. I could not live without her. Her life has merged with mine. She is my life. And I love her.

I lean in, so that our lips are almost touching, again. I can feel her heart pounding beneath her shirt. Her eyes are so joyful…and so full of love. I know that mine are too.

"I love you," I whisper.

She smiles. "I know."

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A/N: Well, review if you liked it. Flames will be disregarded, although _constructive_ criticism is always welcome, of course. Please review, nothing makes me happier than knowing that people out there actually like this stuff I write. XD

Sorry if the characters are OOC. This was written kind of on an impulse, and so...it turned out strangely. Interesting, though, ne? I dunno.


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